It certainly has been a while since I’ve written anything. In fact, I thought I’d have a lot more to say about moving into someone else’s house …
Transitioning was initially a little bit rough. There is, of course, that feeling of losing my independence, as if not owning my own washing machine is a step backwards in adulthood. I’ve addressed the shedding of things and the emotional attachment to them, the consolidation into a smaller space, and fear of losing independence.
Now that we are settling in, the house is put together, things are unpacked and finally arranged, there is the inevitable period of adjusting to each other. What temperature should the air be? Who loads or unloads or runs the dishwasher and when? How long can I leave my laundry in the dryer? Who takes the trash out? Where can you kick off your shoes at? How loud should the volume be? What lights get left on or off? There’s an infinite list of idiosyncratic behavior that may or may not drive any one of us crazy. The beauty here is that I am realizing the exquisite art of rationality that is often hard to exhibit when settled within your all-too-often restrictive personal bubble. As mature adults, we want what we are used to, and we want it when we want it. We go home and let our guard down and get comfortable and relax. Some of us are more particular than others — especially those of us who have lived alone or with the same people for a very long time. We just get used to things.
After being married for a few years, living alone, then living with a quiet roommate with an opposing schedule, I have dedicated considerable mental energy into not being a stubborn, miserable pain in the ass. For a long time I was very, very particular about my home — a place for everything, and everything in its place! Living with new people meant letting go of that control and being open minded. I’ve found myself regressing to my own stubborn attitude at times, but I’ve been exceedingly happy with the result of just letting things go. Relinquishing control has served me well.
Over the last several weeks, I realized how much more open minded I was capable of being. I noticed that some things stop being a big deal when I simply decide that they aren’t. I’ve realized that patience, thought and rationality often produce reasonable, if not desirable results; and that a group of patient, thoughtful and rational adults will accomplish much.
My new living situation is achieving exactly what I had hoped for and so much more. I still have my independence (if not even more so), I’ve downsized considerably, and my new home is comfortable and inviting; I feel welcomed and at ease, and I have an amazing home-based, rational, reasonable, loving, motivating support system.